His Personal Hell
by Adara the Dark Sage
Summary: Robin has lost the only two people that ment the world to him. Will he ever pull out of his deep depression, or will it take over him completely? RxR T for suicide and language a three-part story THE ONLY PART I OWN IS THE PLOTLINE
1. Chapter 1

**THIS STORY IS STRICTLY FICTION, NONE OF THIS STORY IS TRUE AT ALL.**_ Ok, so the story is written after the accidental death of Raven Roberts, Richard Grayson's best friend. The world as he knew it died the day Raven died in that accident. This is the story of his life after her death. (To warn you, there is language and several attempted suicides in this story; you have been officially warned, so you have no right to sue me.)_** I OWN NOTHING BUT THE PLOTLINE; YOU HAVE BEEN OFFICIALLY WARNED...**

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For years now, my life has been nothing but a never-ending downward spiral. Half the time, I can't take take it, the other times, I just don't even think about it. The thing that always crosses my mind is suicide; ending things here and now, putting myself out of the hell that I've been living for the past seventeen years. I've thought about it several times, but just as many times as I've thought about it, people tell me not to, as it'll put them through even more hell. The only thing is though, I don't think about it when I'm about to do it. Most of the time, I couldn't care less about people's emotions, especially when I'm in a depressed stage. When I do think about killing myself, I don't broadcast it like the completely stupid idiot in my school does. I attempted suicide twice a couple months ago, and about six times this month alone. Last month was a different story however, the reasons for killing myself were completely different. This month's reasons are completely different than those of last month. One of the reasons was because I watched my best friend die in a horrible car accident that shook me to the core. After the accident, I tried to hide my pain, but it was too painful to hide. To this day it still hurts me to think about it. I try to hide my pain from the world, but sometimes it just doesn't work. The only dreams I have are of my best friend dying in that god damned car accident. I'm willing to bet that you can't figure out why I tried so many times again this month. That is a fact I'm going to share later on.

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Go ahead and call this my journal if you want to, but that's not what I call it. I'd call it my life's story, but what you call it is your own opinion. I'll start off by telling you a bit about the best friend I lost. Her name was Raven Roberts and she was the most wonderfully selfless person in the world. I respected everything about her, her opinions, to her very core. She was this warm, caring person who, when she walked into a room, brought with her a light that lit up even the dank and darkest possible room. She had short black hair that she always tied back with a black ribbon, she wore her favorite black jacket with an angel on the front and a devil on the back, black pants and black shoes. I knew there was something special about her from the day I met her, but I could never gather the courage to tell her. She supposedly felt that say also, but, as with everything nowadays, I highly doubt she felt that way. What I mean is who in their right mind would want someone like me for their friend? I'm a 5 and a half foot tall black haired brown eyed nobody who's interests scare the hell most of the people around me (my music, my art, my writing, the way I dress; you name it.) Raven's boyfriend (who will remain nameless for now, because of what he did) was with her the night of the accident. He was the one who caused the god damned accident for Christ's sake!! I won't go into detail, because it's still hard for me to talk about it and I'll just upset myself and depress myself even more, and that's the last thing I need right now. Little by little, I'm moving past the fact that Raven isn't here anymore. I'm getting over it, but just a little bit at a time. I've gone on to meet new people with the same interests as mine, but no one could ever replace Raven, or the bond that we shared.

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This new friend of mine has completely changed my life, to tell you the truth. Meeting this girl has given me a whole new look on life now, because I used to be really introverted; I never asked questions, I never talked to anyone, when it came for confrontation, I would turn and walk the other way (which, half the time, ends with me being beaten within a hair's length of my life.) Though out the course of my high school career, my fellow classmates have thought of me as an introverted headcase who needs to be strapped to an electric chair; that's fine by me, I don't give a shit anymore. She is the same warm, caring ray of hope that Raven was. Right after I met this girl, I felt as though, for a split second, Raven came back to me. She's the same warm, caring ray of hope that Raven was. For the for the first time in sixteen years, my depression was lifted, and I felt as though I had a reason to live. I'll tell you about this girl in the next chapter, but, for now, I will tell you that this girl is the most wonderful thing to ever happen to me and there's no way in hell I would ever change that or anything about her. I don't regret meeting her either; I think about her a lot, and I miss her every minute I'm not with her, but I'll tell you more later.

If you haven't been able to figure it out yet, yes, I'm goth and emo. My name is Richard Grayson, and this is my life as I'm living it.


	2. Chapter 2

**Part Two: Reasons**

So you've decided to read on, I'm proud of you. You're probably wondering to yourself, what could be bothering this poor boy so much that he tried to kill himself again six times this month? Well, I can answer that but you'll just have to wait for the answer. First, I'm going to tell you a bit more about the girl I met; the one who is so much like my fallen best friend. Her name was Cory Jordan Hathaway (or I called her CJ.) She was everything to me; everything that died with Raven, came back to me the day I met CJ. It's like Raven sent CJ to me as a sign that I should move on.

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You're probably trying to figure out why I've tried to kill myself so many times again this month, and I admire you for your perseverance, so I'll give you the answer you've been looking for. I've tried so many times again, because just as fast as the happiness came back into my life for the first time since Raven's death, it went away even faster. CJ met her boyfriend at a club one night for a party her friend was throwing. She and her boyfriend got into a huge argument, and her boyfriend ended up shooting her in the back when she tried to get away from him.

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After the death of CJ and the constant flowing back of my memories of Raven, I had enough. Time and Time again, I tried a new way to end the hell I have been going through, but time and time again, they all fucking failed miserably. I've given up all hope on everything, and I'm just ready to finally meet my creator once and for all (not the one you're thinking of, the other one.) People tell me not to kill myself, because it'll hurt them emotionally, well, like I said in the last chapter if you were paying attention, I don't give a shit about people's emotions anymore.

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I've tried so many times to kill myself because I want to be forever reunited with the people that brought happiness into my life for the first, second, and last times. Every time I close my fucking eyes, I see the two girls that brought me happiness looking down and smiling at me, dressed as they were the day the left this world for the next. How I long to be with them,to be away from this world, but I know that will never happen, so long as I am still on this earth. So there you have it: my reasons for trying to kill myself so many times. You're probably saying to yourself, "well, if this boy was so troubled, why didn't he seek counseling? Why didn't his family, his friends, or his teachers do anything to help him?" I have looked for counseling, my family has tried to help me, and my teachers have all tried also, but, they all say that I seem to be in this irreversible depression state that I can't get out of. The shock of loosing the only two people I held dear was too much for me and I fell into a depressive state that I've been in ever since.

That's another reason why I've tried so many times to kill myself.


	3. Chapter 3

**Part Three: Reunited Forever**

Today is the day, I've finally found it. I've finally found a fool-proof way to end my never-ending hell. I've finally found a way to be forever reunited with my happiness that was taken from me before it was time. I'm finally going to leave my nightmares and the hell that I've lived through for the past sixteen years behind, for a new and beautiful paradise. I will finally see the best friends that I had lost, all because of two stupid assholes who couldn't control their anger. This will be the final chapter of my life, so to you and to the rest of the world I bid a not so fond farewell.

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_TEEN BOY KILLS HIMSELF AFTER YEARS OF SUFFERING_

_Seventeen year old Richard Grayson was found dead in his bedroom yesterday with a gunshot wound __to his right temple. Our sources say that the boy had been troubled for some time with an unidentifiable __problem that no one seemed to have the answer to. He was later diagnosed with an irreversible depressive-__like state that ultimately took over him until he could no longer live with it. "He was such a beautiful __child. What could have troubled him so much that he ended up dead from it?" asked Cynthia Mathers, the __boy's elderly neighbor. Clues about the boy's death later surfaced, saying that he was not murdered, but __that he killed himself. There will be a small funeral at Holy Trinity Church on Sunday for those who __would like to say their final good-byes and wish the family well._

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My name is Cole Logan, and I was a classmate of the late Rich Grayson (we all called him Rich, short for Richard.) Everyone else knew Rich as a gothic head case that needed to be locked up in the psych ward, but I knew him as just someone who had different tastes than everyone else. You see, I, too am gothic, but not as dark as Rich was. He had the whole chains, dark eyeliner, razor-to-wrists, black nail polish wardrobe that made him the prime target for football players, cheerleaders, and pretty much everyone in the school.

The thing that set him over the edge was the death of his best friend Raven Roberts and later the death of CJ Hathaway. They brought with them the gift of life, of love, and, most importantly, the gift of friendship into Rich's life. After the student body heard about his death, no one but the other gothic kids felt the loss was of importance. We all plan to go to his funeral, and pay our respects, and let him know that there were people out there who cared about him, even if they didn't say anything or reach out to help him in his time of need.

Richard Gregory Grayson

1991-2008

A dark angel

A beloved son

A fallen comrade

Forever in our hearts

Rest in Peace Rich, we'll miss you

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_And so, you have reached the end of the troubled life of Richard Grayson, the teen __who killed himself to end his never-ending despair. The point of this story was not to present __the life of a teenager with depression, but someone who had their happiness taken from them __at a very critical time in his life._


End file.
